The Real Prof. X
by Skaja VII
Summary: by J &K- A parody of the Eminem song "The Real Slim Shady" for the X-Men. Nuff said.


May I have your attention please  
May I have your attention please   
Will the real professor X, please stand up.  
I repeat, Will the real professor X, please stand up.  
We're gonna have a problem here.  
  
Y'all act like you've never seen a wheelchair before  
Jaws dropped to the floor  
Like cyke and wolvie just burst in the door  
And started whoopin' his ass worse than before  
Jean first was divorced  
Throwing around visors (ah!)  
  
It's the return of the ah, wait, no wait, you're kidding,  
He didn't just think I think he thought, did he?  
And Jean grey said,   
Nothing you idiots, Jean grey's dead,   
She's possessed by the phoenix. (ha ha)  
  
An' all these women love gambit  
Sikasikasi remy I'm sick of him, look at him  
Walkin' around saying you know what  
Flippin' cards at you know who  
Yeah but he's so cute though (aw)  
  
Beast has prob'ly got a couple of screws up in my head loose,   
But no worse than what's goin' on in jeans bedroom.  
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and let loose  
But can't, but it's cool for graydon creed to be on the news  
  
My claws are at your neck, my claws are at your neck  
And if I'm lucky I might just hear a little snikt  
And that's the message we deliver to little kids and expect 'em not to know what an x-factor gene is  
Of course they gonna know what a mutant is by the time they hit fourth grade they got the magneto channel don't they  
We ain't nothing but humans well some of us mutants who rip Sentinels open like tin cans  
But if we eat papayas and cantaloupes.  
Then there's no reason why Jean and wolvie can't elope.  
So if you feel like I feel I got the antidote  
Jean grey wave your pantyhose  
Sing the chorus  
And it goes  
  
(chorus)  
I'm professor xavier, yes I'm the real xavier, all you other professor xavier can hail me as your savior so won't the real Professor Xavier please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.  
(repeat)  
  
most mutants don't gotta wear gloves to be around people,  
well rogue does, so she'll touch them and she'll touch you two.  
You think I give a damn about some lightning,   
Storm that isn't scary let alone frightening  
But, hey, what if you got hit, wouldn't it be weird?  
Why so you could just fly to get me here?  
So you could, sit me here next to captain queer  
Warren Worthington better switch me chairs,   
So I can sit next to psylocke and Jean grey,   
And hear 'em argue over whose boyfriends more gay  
Stupid Jean put wolvie on his knees  
"yeah he's cute but I'm married to Scott, tee hee."  
I should download an audio and MP3 and show the whole world   
How phoenix destroyed a galaxy.  
I'm sick of you little gen. X groups  
All you do is shoot hoops  
So I will send the shi'ar to abduct you  
And there's a million mutants just like me  
Who fly like me, who read minds like me  
Who dress like me, try to take over humanity  
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me.  
  
(chorus)  
and I'm like a cerebro to listen to,   
'cuz I'm only giving you things you think about in your brain   
at night inside your room.  
The only difference is I got the psionics to say it on front of y'all   
and I don't gotta be bald but I am after all  
I just get on the astral plane and spit it   
and whether you'd like to admit it, I can probe better than 90%  
or you psychics out there.  
And you wonder how wolverine can drink so much beer?  
And it's funny, cuz at the rate he's going when he looks 80  
He'll be the only person in the x-men still dating  
Pinchin' Jean Grey's ass  
And Hugh Jackman is jerking  
I said jerkin' 'cuz this whole case of beer isn't working  
And in every single person there's a mutant gene lurking  
They could be working at burger king  
Radiating your onion rings  
Or in the parking lot screaming "Humans really suck" with their windows down and their psionics up  
So will the real professor please stand up. And put one of those fingers on each hand up...and be proud to be probing your mind and taking control, and one more time, loud as Banshee can, how's it go?  
(chorusX2)  
I guess there's a mutant gene in all of us, let's help the professor stand up. 


End file.
